


coffee stains and midnight rain

by harold van halen (sassturbathor)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bad Poetry, Depression, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everything Hurts, I'm Bad At Tagging, Late Night Conversations, Melancholy, Poetry, Suicide Attempt, Walking, idk anymore, please enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 22:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11931030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassturbathor/pseuds/harold%20van%20halen
Summary: welcome to my journey! this short story is about a phase in my life, that hasn't been so pleasant and yes, this is based on a true story. it's my story.





	coffee stains and midnight rain

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING; the following short story is dealing with a serious subject, that can eventually trigger a part of the audience - It's about depression. If you suffer from this mental condition, please /do not/ read this! Do yourself a favour and seek help, because this isn't something you can handle on your own.
> 
> (Please excuse my poor enunciation, i'm not a native english speaker/writer)

Have you ever had the feeling that comes, when you stay up too late? Something occupies you, yet the emptiness is stinging sharply in your mind.

„There is nothing to worry about.“, your friend would attempt to ease you.

Your heavy soul isn't yearning for comfort or aid, but more mistakes you've made, flaws to point out. Not constructive, but destructive criticism.

Never being happy enough with your self care, because even going out of bed is a struggle itself.

If you managed to take a shower or have a bite – of whatever is left in the fridge, that hasn't expired yet, you feel so exhausted, you'll need a nap and you know too well that this is going to be a long one. Too long, causing you to feel exactly the same as before; tired and empty with an headache included.

People tell you to “go out!” and “get some fresh air!”, so you do just that.. at 11;29.

It's night time and judging by the wet ground, it must've been raining not long ago. The reflection of street light is beneath your feet. A distorted image of reality has more influence than the truth, the present you refuse to live in, because you're stuck in the past, so desperate to turn back in time. Repeating, failing, wishing to change anything.

A car is passing by – with four passengers in it – bringing you back to reality. They look bloody gorgeous with their shimmering outfits, back combed hair and obnoxious laughter. It seems so genuine, so perfect. How people at your age should be living, but here you are standing in a rain puddle, a l o n e, observing other cars and wondering what all these people are going through. What they must be thinking and what they think about you. A hobo who cannot afford to maintain their hair, holes in the clothes you're wearing, which are too much and too small to be considered as “fashion”.

All of sudden, it starts to rain. Again.

You contemplate whether to use “the dangerous” way by passing the busy street (and secretly hoping to end it all) or going “the safe”, yet longer way and following the exact same as you got here. You are hesitant about passing the street. You're able to make the first step, but seem to be stuck in this position, not able to move at all, until one car rushes right in front of you, honking and yelling: “Out of the way!”

“Go home.”, you tell yourself. “There's self care that needs to be done.”

With that being said, you leave without a word, not caring about raindrops clinging on your eyelashes and clothing being soaking wet.

The smell of rain combined with gasoline is in the air, complementing the bright, flickering neon signs you pass by and to be honest; it has always been a part of you.

**Author's Note:**

> Woah ! This has been one hell of a ride to expose a phase in my life, that hasn't been so pleasant. In case you feel down, please hit me up and we can talk about it!
> 
> Constructive criticism is always appreciated xx


End file.
